Part 11
OFFICIAL SCRIPT By: Brad Shoemaker and Nick DePalma PART 11: Cut to a flash of white. Things come in to focus. Rosie Reynoso finds herself in the IDBHoD Headquarters. IDBHoD themselves wait on the other end of the table. ROSIE (confused): What in the- Where have you taken me?....and how? DEEP VOICE GUY: Ah, Rosie. You have many questions. You will come to find, though, that destiny will call upon you in this time of great need. ROSIE: What? REASONABLE GUY: That’s Deep Voice Guy-slang for “We’ve been working with only dudes for far too long”. ROSIE: Deep Voice Guy? What is this, some kind of cult? DEEP VOICE GUY: You could call it that. Listen, crazy cult or not, we’ve got business we need to sell (Pulls out IDBHoD T-shirts). It’s just not good marketing with an all-male group flying around together in a ship. We need to branch ourselves out to a wider audience! (Now pulls out new memorabilia with Rosie in the crew) With new merchandise like this, we’ll be even more popular – our stuff will sell like hotcakes! ROSIE: I’ve never heard of you. DEEP VOICE GUY: Er, more precisely, sell like hotcake. One singular hotcake. Pans over to show German Guy doing a crazy mad scientist experiment in a IDBHoD+Rosie outfit. GERMAN GUY: *maniacal laughter* DEEP VOICE GUY (speaks really fast): Oh and also we needed to capture you so Peter would work for us. ROSIE: Wait..? Peter’s working with you? Where’s he at? DEEP VOICE GUY: You’ll find out all in due time; we’re facing a threat that could wipe us out at any moment. We’ve got to act now. ROSIE: So I’ll get to rough up some bad guys? DEEP VOICE GUY: Quite possibly. ROSIE: Eh, what the hell, I’m in. They shake hands. Cut back to the BiTC Cave. Manfred, Thongledore, Peter and McGregor groggily crawl out of the destroyed lift and emerge in a swampy, dimly lit, cavern. There are traces of early 20th century technology abound, and signs for “BiTC”. MANFRED: BiTC… finally, the truth will be revealed. They walk to an old projector and turn it on. Shows the old film, which the old timey sped up grainy look. Ragtime music plays. OLD TIMEY VOICE: Tally-ho! The year is 1933. Star baseball outfielder Franklin Delano Roosevelt denies trade to the Yankees and leads Sox to third straight pennant. Cuts to a little kid holding a newspaper about the news. NEWS BOY: Extray-extray! Big Boy Bats Ball Billion Blocks at the Bi-Annual Bismarck Bonanza! Bully! OLD TIMEY VOICE: Meanwhile, President Hoover enters his second term determined to continue his success that brought him a landslide victory. Hoover, teaming up with his long term allies, sets out to find the creature known as the Andybird. Say there, Bobby, what did they tell you at school? BOBBY: I hear that bird’s a menace! Why I oughta- Old Timey Voice Man ruffles Bobby’s hair OLD TIMEY VOICE: Whoa there, Jimmy, save your energy, kid. (cheesy laugh) Now you run on home, boy, and tell Mom to buy some war bonds! BOBBY: There’s a war going on?! OLD TIMEY VOICE: Ho ho, not yet Billy!.....Oh, here come Hoover’s allies now! BOBBY: Oh boy! BiTC! In walks 6 individuals, only Deep Voice Guy is visible, but it’s clear that the Icy Dark Black Hand of Death is actually BiTC. The Grüp looks at each other, bewildered. Deep Voice Guy also ruffles Bobby’s hair, who looks disheveled now. PAST DEEP VOICE GUY: Remember kids, if you ever see something a mite bit peculiar, give a ring on yer old rotary phone to BiTC…we’ll help you out… with SCIENCE! (he holds out a beaker and the word ‘SCIENCE’ appears on the screen). No need for you to question what that means! (smile) PAST REASONABLE GUY: Um… shouldn’t we at least explain a little bit to them? PAST DEEP VOICE GUY: Shut up, Ji—(the footage suddenly cuts out) The Grüp looks around at each other. Manfred looks wide eyed. MANFRED: I…had…no idea…. He then starts clawing at his face, slapping himself, and generally pulling a Curly from Three Stooges. He rolls around on the floor rolling in place. MANFRED: We’ve been working for BiTC the whole time!!! Manfred is screaming while the others look on. He then pulls out yet another steak from his satchel to calm himself down. THONGLEDORE: You’re a freak, unlike me of course. MCGREGOR: I don’t know why you’re so surprised. I figured it out in 5 minutes. It’s probably largely because I am, in fact…. McGregor. I mean, even Sheriff Badass probably already figured out that IDBHoD is BiTC. Cut to another interrogation room (a different one this time). Sheriff Badass has a bag on his head and they plop him down in a chair and take the bag off. Payne comes in with the light shining on Badass. PAYNE (abruptly): WHO DO YOU WORK FOR? BADASS (right away): IDBHoD PAYNE: WHO ARE THEY? BADASS (right away again): Well, they’re probably BiTC. PAYNE: OH, I was… hoping I would beat it out of you… with this wrench. BADASS: Well, you can still do that! I’d kinda like it! Payne frowns, confused. Cut back to the BiTC lair. MANFRED: We need to find BiTC… what exactly were they up to with the Andybird? This tale’s taken a dark turn… Just then, a series of lights turn on and reveal an ominous walkway. At the end of the hallway is a muddy pedestal that once held the statue of the Javelina. The Grüp walks to through the muck to reach the pedestal. Manfred brushes off some of the mud and reveals a javelina foot. When he brushes the mud off, the foot glows gold through the crust. Manfred slowly picks up the javelina foot. MANFRED: What in the name of- Suddenly, they hear a wise old voice speak to them through the walls. It sounds mystic and garbled slightly. SHAMAN: Auauaayaaaauauayyy! MANFRED: …what? SHAMAN: Sorry, I thought you spoke…….shaman. MANFRED: Well, obviously we don’t. SHAMAN: If you wish to know more about BiTC’s past, meet me at the Imperial Palace. MANFRED: How are you speaking with us, O Wise Shaman? SHAMAN: The Artifact that you now hold possesses more power than you could ever possibly imagine! MANFRED: Well, at least there’s not zombies… SHAMAN: what? Zombies then break through the wall; they managed to dig down into the cave. SHAMAN: Holy shit! I’m totes out! Peace! The mystic sound from the wall suddenly changes to a dial tone. PETER: Zoinks! Zombies! Gaaaang-waaaay! They run off. The Grüp runs through the abandoned base, which ends up leading to an underground lake. In the lake rests a large submarine with the BiTC logo on the side. MANFRED: There’s our ticket out of here. They hop into the sub as the zombies rage after them. They frantically enter the sub and prepare for the chase.